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If there's one activity that any cancer survivor has found invaluable during their battle, it's READING.  Reading and getting educated about cancer is paramount to the healing journey.  Education about cancer has had a major thrust in the past decade making information for cancer patients easily accessible through brochures, books and some amazing websites (too many to mention).

I can say for myself that I spent most of the first 2 months after being diagnosed pouring through books and websites to find out as much as I could about cancer and Hodgkin's Disease. 

My treatments didn't start right away after diagnosis; there were a ton of tests, 2 biopsies, a trip to the spermbank, insurance forms to fill out, etc.  I spent 2 months waiting.....just waiting for everything to be in place so I could start treatments. 

So I read.  And I read.  And then I found some great websites and read some more.

If there's one book that injected me with hope and wonder it was Quantum Healing by .  If you haven't read it, it's offers a pretty amazing paradigm shift at how we look at the body and healing.  But what really got me were the personal stories of spontaneous remission.  If it could happen to the patients in the book, I truly believed it could happen for me.   So you can see how one book can really change a person's outlook.

What books inspired you?  Was there one book that truly touched you?  Would you recommend it to other cancer patients and why? 

It's already Christmas Eve!  Juanita, Dylan and I are in Sudbury, Ontario visiting my family for Christmas.  If you don't know where Sudbury is, you can find it on the map about a 5 hour drive North-West from Toronto.  This is the Great White North!

We arrived last night with a huge sigh of relief.  It took over 6 hours to drive here yesterday in a Canadian snowstorm!  We drove through blowing snow and white-out conditions for most of the trip.  Although we make this trip annually, this year the weather was the most treacherous in many years.  But the snow, wind and cold is all part of living in this beautiful country. 

In truth, I love the snow - it's beautiful - there's nothing like going for a walk while it snows, especially if you can get out in the forest or somewhere in nature.  Nothing compares!

This year, Canada may have a white-Christmas from coast-to-coast, something that hasn't happened since 1972!  Here's hoping!

To help you truly capture what it's like to celebrate Christmas in Canada, this classic video clip says it all!

Merry Christmas from me to you!  I wish the beauty of the Holidays bring you healing and peace!

To your health and happiness,

Michael

My good friend Paul Demeda is an holistic nutritionist.  But he's not your run-of-the-mill holistic nutritionist - he's amazing!  In circles, Paul is known as THE Goto-Guy for anything health related, because he has an incredible wealth of knowledge about our bodies and their inner-workings.  He's worked with many cancer patients, coaching them through dietary and lifestyle changes that have had huge impacts on their healing and health. 

Paul is the goto-guy for a major reason - he used what he learned to heal himself.  No, not from cancer, but from 10-year battle with multiple chemical sensitivities and that spurred him to find out everything he could about the body. 

Why?  Because doctors could not figure out what was wrong with him. 

Sound familiar anyone?

Shortly after making massive changes to his diet and lifestyle, he quit his job as a graphic designer and went back to school for holistic nutrition, discovering his true calling, to guide people through the healing process.

A few months ago, Paul designed a dietary protocol for me, as I've been interested in continuing to detoxify my body, especially to avoid any long-term effects of chemo and radiation.  Even though, it's been 9 years since my last chemo treatment, the toxicity can remains hidden in the body for many years, something I'd like to take care sooner than later.  And of course, Paul's helping me to tackle the daily habits - sugary cravings (I married a Dutch girl and their love desserts isn't easy to resist!), getting the right vitamins, minerals, enzymes and improving my digestion overall. 

If there's one point Paul has hammered into my head, it's that many illnesses are the result of trouble in the digestive system.  And many of us have poor digestion and don't even know it!  The result is that our bodies aren't able to take in the nutrients from food we need, and also get rid of the toxins that persist.

A week ago I asked Paul if he would share some of his insights on detoxification on my blog.  So voila, we quickly came up with the following list of Top 10 Detox Foods for Cancer Survivors.

If you've been through chemo or radiation (no matter how long ago), this list is a MUST-READ!

1. Garlic & Onions:

In the #1 spot for detox foods are garlic and onions.  Both garlic and onions are high in sulphur.  Sulphur is essential for detoxification of the bodies tissues.  Sulphur also helps make healthy bones, skin and hair and is sometimes called a beautifying mineral.  Garlic, in particular, has herbal antibiotic properties which means it kills bad bacteria, viruses and parasites in the body.  This is so beneficial, especially if your immune system is not quite at max efficiency after going through chemo or radiation.  Because of their high sulphur content, garlic and onion have also been know to increase longevity.  And you'll be getting lost of phyto-nutrients (ie: plant nutrients) which have roles in keeping us healthy.

Eat as much as possible!  Raw garlic is great in salad dressings.  Garlic is healthier raw, but it still has benefits when cooked.  Same goes with onions.   Organic is always better. 

A simple way to eat garlic raw without the bad breath is as follows:

Chop 1 glove into small pieces.  Mix garlic in a large glass of water.  Drink.

If you want to detox, eat as much garlic and onions as possible….you may not be too popular with the opposite sex, but you'll be getting squeaky clean inside!

2. Cruciferous Veggies:

Cruciferous Veggies include broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, cabbage and kale.  Cruciferous is a funny word, sounds almost religious to me.  Anywho, we all know veggies are good for us, right?  But why are cruciferous morsels especially good?  A few reasons.  They are all high in sulphur which again is important for detox.   They also enhance detoxification in the liver by enhancing the rate at which enzymes bind to toxins.  If you eat your broccoli and brussel sprouts, you'll also make healthy hair, skin, nails and bones.  And healthy tissue formation IS anti-cancer.

Best way to eat your cruciferous veggies is lightly steamed - so they remain crispy, not soggy.  Ideally, you should strive for 1 serving per day for maximum detox effect.  Moms, put cheese on it!

3. Beanie, Baby:

Beans and legumes are high in fibre.  These include kidney beans, black beans, lentils, chick peas, etc.  Fibre acts like a vacuum cleaner, sucking up toxins in the digestive track. 

You see, the detox process works like this:

1. Toxins are pulled out of the blood in the liver, which puts them into bile.
2. Bile is squirted in the digestive track during digestion.
3. Fibre sucks up the toxin-filled-bile and it leaves the system.

Without fibre, toxins get reabsorbed in the digestive track.  All of that work for nothing!  Beans and legumes are also high in folic acid which is important for cellular growth and repair.

Dried beans are best, the ones you have to soak overnight (I know, you have to think ahead to eat them!)  Canned beans are OK - better to eat these than none at all.

4. Whole Grains:

The best whole grains include brown rice, barley, oats, millet, quinoa and kamut.  Whole grains are a good source of steady energy in your day.  Glucose or sugars make your energy spike.  Your body produces insulin to compensate.  High insulin levels are bad and can lead to increased cancer growth and other diseases as well.  Whole grains also provide lots of important minerals and B vitamins.  B vitamins enhance your energy production as well.

Tip: avoid wheat, many people are allergic to it and it can gum up digestion.

Eat hot whole grain cereals like kamut.  Quinoa can be a great cold salad.  Look up some recipes to get some whole grains into your diet everyday.

5. Flax Oil:

Flax oil is another essential food for detoxing after chemo or radiation.  Being super-high in Omega-3s, flax oil has anti-inflammatory qualities and can help activate the detoxification process in your body.  What's important about Omegas is that the right ration of Omega-3s and -6s produce healthy cell membranes, another anti-cancer quality.   Most of us have far too much Omega-6, so taking flax oil everyday can help restore the balance.  On top of that, Omega-3's help balance metabolic reactions in the body.

Take a minimum of  1 tablespoon per day.  Drink it straight, put some in smoothies or salad dressings.  Flax seeds are 30% oil, so grinding some seed up and sprinkling it on salads is a good idea as well.

6. Gotta Go Probiotic:

Probiotic foods are all the rage in the super-market.  Probiotic breads, probiotic milk, probiotic butter, etc.  But what are probiotic foods?  Simply enough, probiotic foods contain and provide good bacteria for your digestive track.  The good bacteria in your bowels can sometimes be overcome by parasites or bad bacteria.  These foods help restore the balance and promote good digestion, a foundation for a healthy body.  Good healthy digestion is the more important factor for getting over illness or staying healthy.

Natural probiotic foods include  yogurt, kefir, tempeh, miso, raw sauerkraut or fermented veggies.

If you're planning on eating yogurt, make it organic and unsweetened.  Avoid it if you have issues with dairy.  Yogurt is not the best source of probiotic bacteria, so try go for some of the other suggestions.  Tempeh is like tofu and is really good in stir fries.  Miso soup is always a favourite if you like Asian cuisine.    Try to enjoy some of these foods 3 to 4 times a week.

7. Fruit & Veggies:

We all know to eat 4-5 servings of fruits and veggies per day, right?  Here's why.  Vitamins & minerals - we need 'em and here's where we get 'em.  Fruits and veggies are alkalizing.  Most foods alter pH negatively, alkalizing foods put your body's pH back to normal.  Cancer likes an acidic environment, where bad bacteria, parasites and viruses can thrive.  Chemo drugs are acidifying as well.  So we need to alkalize the body and fruits and veggies work.

60% of what you eat in a day should be a fruit or vegetable.  Go for organic or local if you can.

8. Get Nutty:

Your source for essential fatty acids and protein = nuts and seeds.  Your body needs good fat.  Fatty acids help move oxygen through the bloodstream to all parts of the body. They aid cell membrane development, strength, and function, and they are necessary for strong organs and tissue.  

Eat some every day - especially almonds, brazil nuts (which are high in selenium - important for detox) pumpkin seeds, and sunflower seeds.  And remember that non-animal sources of protein, like nuts and seeds, have less of a toxic burden on the body.

9. Agua, senior:

To detoxify, you'll need to put back 2 litres of water per day.  Your body won't detoxify if it thinks there is a drought. 

Avoid caffeine.  It flushes water from your body having a negative effect.  Too much can put your body into a water deficit.  (Ok, we're all working on this.  I'm drinking my morning coffee as I write this, doh!....do your best, don't try to be perfect.)

Good sources include herbal teas, reverse-osmosis or distilled water. Brita filters remove a lot of chlorine from tap water which is very nice.  Tap water - drink it.  Less than perfect water is better than no water.

10. Berry nice:

We already covered fruits, but it's worth mentioning that berries are particularly important for detoxifying your body.  Berries are high in phyto-nutrients (there are over 300 phyto-nutrients we know of).  Berries have protective qualities.  Rich in antioxidants, they protect the body from free-radicals which can damage tissues in the body.

Eat lots of blueberries, blackberries, and strawberries.  The darker in colour, the better they are for you.  If you rotate berries in your diet, you'll get maximum benefits.  And that's berry good! (haha!  My 5 month old son has a shirt with a big strawberry on it that reads "I'm berry cute!")

Your Turn:

I know there are a lot of people out there who are passionate about health and nutrition.  What are your detox protocols?  What's your favourite healthy food?  Have you ever done any cleansing?

About Paul

Today is the 9-year anniversary of completing my cancer treatments.  That's right - 9 years!  It was Dec 15th, 1999 when I finished my last radiation treatment at the North Easter Regional Cancer Center in Sudbury, Ontario. 

I have to say it's a real nice time of year to wrap up cancer treatments.  I can recall the anticipation of Christmas mingling with that incredible feeling of freedom!  I was ready to visit friends and family, to toast my cancer victory and to set out for new beginnings in 2000, the new millennium.

It was a very sweet time in my life.

I remember that New Years 2000 vividly.  I remember spending it with family instead of friends, feeling a pull to be closer to home.  We spent it with family friends who hosted a dinner, dance, and fireworks on the lake.  It was one of the most memorable New Years I've ever had and surviving cancer played a huge role in that.

I also remember that it had been 3 months since I had wrapped up my chemo treatments and I was feeling GRRREAT!  My hair had started to grow back - I had some pretty rad baby hair and eyebrows coming in (ahh eyebrows - I never thought I would miss you soo much!).  My energy was way up, I had the gusto back in me that hadn't been there for a long time, and I able to get back to a more normal mostly-vegetarian diet.

It's cool to remember where I was 9 years ago and to notice how much I've changed and what cancer had to do with that.

But today, I really want to talk about celebrating my cancerversary.

To be honest, celebrating my cancerversary is something I've always wanted to do but I never have. 

Why not? I have to ask myself as well. 

Well, I have to be honest with myself.  After a bit of contemplation, I think I never did celebrate surviving cancer because I never felt people would truly understand.  I've discussed how many of my friends seemingly vanished from my life during my cancer saga.  But not all of them did, and I think that I've felt it would be hard to invite some but not all of my good friends to the event. Hmmm.....is this getting complicated?

Well, in short, I want to celebrate my being on the planet with like-minded people - people who get it, whether they supported me through cancer or not. 

So this year, I decided that I'm going to celebrate my cancerversary for the first time after 9 years!  Since December is a bit crazy for everyone (myself especially) January is a great month to do something celebratory, with the feeling of new beginnings in the air.

So how am I going to celebrate?  I'm not completely sure.  But I feel strongly that my cancerversary needs to be a symbolic event, and not just dinner and drinks - in fact, just the opposite.  I'd like it to be more ritualistic or ceremonial.  Being a very spiritual guy, I like the feel of this approach. 

In fact, lately I've become totally fascinated with Native American medicine healing and Native American rituals.  It's probably worth a whole other post, but I'd like to incorporate some Native traditions.  I'll be doing some more research and planning over the Christmas break to figure out how it will all unfold and I'll update the blog to keep you up to date.

But why not share with us how you celebrate your cancerversary.  How have you celebrated in the past?  If you've never celebrated before, why not?  I'd like to know your thought on this topic.

Much Love to You All,

Michael

Last week I ran a workshop titled "Everyday Healing : Practical Tips for Getting Into Your New Groove."  The workshop was held at Gilda's Club which is a local and national cancer support agency.  The evening went very well and I had a great group of 11 cancer survivors from all ages and walks of life.  It was a very a dynamic group to work with.

The workshop was designed for survivors who were wrapping up treatments and looking to continue their "normal" lives.  Here is a brief overview of what I covered (or intended to cover, since I ran out of time).

1. New Groove = New Mindset

The new mindset is that you survived cancer for a reason.  You are on the planet for a reason and you have something important to share with the world.  As a cancer survivor, you are highly skilled to change the world.  The world is changing fast, and those who will lead us to new horizons are those who've already been through some serious sh*t in their lives.  You are meant to lead and change the world.

2. Define Your Optimal Health

As with anything in life, survivors should have goals for their health in the long and short terms.  There's a saying : "If I don't have a plan for my life, someone else does."  That goes for your health to.  Define what your definition of optimal health looks like.  Post it somewhere you can see it daily for 30 days.

3. Remove Major Energy Drains

My simple view of healing : We get sick when something is draining our energy.  We heal when we find new sources of energy that fill us up.  Cheryl Richardson, author and life coach, says "Creating your best life has more to do with what you remove from it than what you add to it." 

3 Major Energy Drains:

• Not believing you have a choice
• Not being able to say no
• Not finding support

Brainstorm any post-cancer energy drains in your life in the following areas: Work, Environment, Money, Relationships, Mind / Body / Spirit

Having cancer is full license to remove energy drains.  Many people quit their jobs, leave an unhealthy relationship or give up unhealthy habits.  How can you remove your energy drains?

4. Meditation

I credit meditation with being a major catalyst for overcoming cancer.  I discovered it while I was going for chemo treatments and have been meditating regularly ever since.

When you sit without focusing on brain chatter or thoughts, something amazing happens - your body naturally moves into a state of extreme relaxation.  It promotes healing, it clears your mind and brings a deep sense of peace.

Take 10 minutes morning and night to sit quietly in meditation.  Focus on your breath and nothing else.  There are many good books and tapes that teach meditation - check out your local library.

Take the time to be quiet - it's so simple, but it pays major dividends.

5. Connect with Nature

I've been reading about a native man named Sun Bear who promoted native rituals and methods to deeply connect with Mother Earth.  Go and check out some of his books.

Mother Nature has natural healing energies.  When you're in a beautiful place, it's easy to relax the mind and body, to let go of fear or restlessness - to promote healing. Notice the abundance of life around you.  Touch something - sit down and put your hands on the Earth - it's ok to get dirty.

Get out and connect with nature regularly.  Take day trips out of the busy to somewhere where there is forest.  City parks are good, but forest is best.  Enjoy the quiet and sounds of wilderness.  You will feel rejuvenated and refreshed.

6. Giving Back

I have had almost 90 cancer survivors respond to the 2-Minute Cancer Survivor Survey.  What I found was that over 80% of survivors have a deep desire to give back post-cancer. Why? Because cancer forces you to focus on what's important in your life.  People want to give back because they know that giving back is part of discovering their life's purpose.

If you're feeling up to it, go out and volunteer.  Get involved in an organization that resonates with you, or start your own.  You'll find that giving back is healing.

7. We're All Connected

We're all One.  If you beat cancer, then the world gets a little healthier as well.  Remember that what you do and how you live your life is reflected in the world.  We're all connected.

What were your thoughts on the topics I covered above?  Leave me a comment and let me know.

To your Health and Happiness,

Michael

Something you probably didn't know about me....

I take Karate lessons.

I'm a member of the Highland Wado-Kai Karate club.  Surprisingly, for being in the smallish town of Dundas, it's an awesome club and very competitive.  These kids have won

Today's a great day because I just launched my Special Report - Cancer And Relationships : 4 Relationships Realities Young Adults with Cancer May Never See Coming. 

I analyzed the results of my 2-minute Cancer Survivor Survey and found some pretty interesting patterns which match my own experiences and the experiences of other survivors I've met. 

So what is this Special Report all about?

Well have you ever wondered?

What hurts more? Being injected with toxic chemotherapy or discovering that your best friend will no longer speak with you since you told her you have cancer?

Have you ever wondered? Why cancer brings you closer to some people in your life and, at the same time, drives a wedge between you and some of your closest friends and family members?

How is it that some of your closest friends and relatives, even your best friend or brother, pretend you don’t have cancer and act as though nothing is wrong?

Why is it that you meet some of the most wonderful, supportive people when you’re going through cancer hell?

Welcome to the Relationship Twilight Zone.

But what can you do when everyone around you starts bugging-out and acting all weird?  Read the Special Report to find out.

To your Health and Success,

Michael

My son, Dylan, turned 11 weeks old on Monday.  Wow! I can't believe it! I'm flabbergasted at how quickly he's growing and changing. 

He's moved into the stage where he's very awake and wide-eyed, taking everything in.  He's has a smile that melts my heart and makes us giggle.  Of course, I'll do anything to get a smile out of him, including la-la-la-ing, bo-bo-bop-ing, and dancing a jig.  It usually works.  I get a huge grin and a coo out of him and I'm satisfied for at least 5 minutes.

Being a father is such a joy!

I always knew I wanted to be a father.  Cancer put a bit of a damper on things in my 20's.  There was a possibility that the chemo would make me sterile, a challenge many young men face when they decide to go for chemo or radiation. 

I remember after being diagnosed, I decided to make a deposit at the sperm bank.  Wow, that was fun! 

BTW (gentlemen) - don't let your mom take you to the sperm bank! Ask ANYONE else to take you!  NOT your mother.  My two cents.

In my 20's I thought preserving my sperm was a pretty stupid idea.  I'd figure something out later, I thought to myself.  Plus I had to pay $200 a year to store my stash, a lot of money for a student.

In hindsite, even though I never had to use it, the deposit was money well spent.

I try to spend some quality time with Dylan everyday.  He brings us more joy than I ever thought possible.  I used to think parenthood was a burden.... and a lot of hard work.  Well, it is a lot of work, but most people forget to tell you how much fun and rewarding it is. 

If you're a young adult with cancer, I hope you get to have kids.  It makes the battle worth while.

Namaste,

Michael

Today I went to the baptism of my beautiful niece.  She was born only 8 days before our Dylan was born and she's a beautiful baby.  During the church service, after the baptism part, the congregation was asked for prayer requests and anyone in the congregation could grab a microphone and ask for healing for prayers for a friend, family member or even a country in need.  A friend of my brother-in-law's promptly stood, grabbed a microphone and asked for healing and strength for his mother who was about to undergo her last chemo treatment.  As a congregation, we all offered her silent thoughts and healing intentions.  And I thought, how powerful to have 125 people instantly send you healing intentions and positive thoughts.  I think we can all agree that praying, or offering healing intentions send powerful energetic vibrations to someone in need.  I would have liked that when I was healing and had cancer.

And why not extend intentions around the world through the internet?  So today, I ask you - is there someone you know that could use our help through prayer and healing intentions?  It could be anyone at all, dealing with ANY challenge. Let's post them here and agree that we'll all spent 1 minute in silence keeping them in mind and sending forth our powerful intentions for their highest good.  Then, in a few days, check in on them and ask if they have felt anything or saw any improvements.  Report back any results.

BTW: avoid posting full names to protect people's privacy.

For myself, I have 2 people who need our help. 

• The first is a dear family friend, Joan, who has been beating prancreatic cancer for 2 years.  She has up days and down days.  I'd like to help her have many more up days.
• The second is my sister-in-law, J, who is struggling with a tough relationship issue and getting over a cold / flu (which may be related)

Please, who do you know in your life that can use our help?  Post a comment here and we'll all send them some healing.  Then check in and report any results back here in a few days.

Namaste,

Michael

I've been working on writing out my entire cancer story to share with some bloggers I met recently who were interested.  I've been meaning to get it put together for some time and now here it is.  You've wondered, now, the truth behind Michael, his struggle as a young adult, cancer, and why Batman has inspired me to live boldly.  Enjoy!

My beginnings as a Super-Hero

I grew up reading comic books.  For years, much of my spare time was spent sifting through used books stores and comic shops to find the gems. I fell in love with those classic heroes - Superman, Green Lantern, Captain Marvel, the Justice League.  My all-time favourite was Batman - I loved Batman’s dark, cold-as-steel, tough-as-nails character.  Behind the mask, he was a man driven to fulfill his mission with unflinching integrity.  He always got the bad guy and he NEVER used a gun.  Having no super-powers to speak of, Batman always had to rely on his cunning intellect, his physical prowess and detective skills.  Although I loved the thought of having super-powers and dreamed of it myself as a boy, donning a mask like Batman was seemed very realistic.   But only those who believed would dare even try.   And I believed.

So one day, I decided 100% that I was going to be a super-hero.  It might take me sometime to train, it took Batman a few years, but I was committed!  Who knows, I might even develop some real super-powers while I was at it – I had a cool book on hypnotism and that was close enough for me.  I had my parents sign me up for gymnastics classes so I could learn to do flips (all heroes know how to do flips), I started to create an arsenal of cool weapons made mostly from duct tape and cardboard, and I got a sweet black cape that made me feel invisible in the dark.  I was a super-hero!

As I got older and started high-school, my interest in comic books started to dwindle.  I still loved all the heroes, but now I was more interested in music, sports and girls.  But not everything changed.  Deep down, I still had that yearning to develop my powers.  I knew I would discover them one day.  At 21 years old, I felt I had one power at least – I was pretty much invincible.  A lot of young people live like their invincible.  It’s like there’s no time for tomorrow, only for today.  You forget about any consequences to your actions, and it feels exhilarating to live consequence free, taking risks, focusing only on the moment, maximizing the fun in every situation.  That’s how I lived.  It feels pretty good to live like a super-hero.

Superman never had cancer, why me?  Were my super-powers failing me?

In September of 1998 I was starting my final semester of University in Waterloo, Ontario.  I had been studying at Wilfrid Laurier University for the past 3.5 years and was pretty excited at the thought of finishing my degree and moving onto better things, like getting a job.  When I think back to my university days, I almost don’t recognize myself.  I was so caught up in my little dramas and my super-inflated self-expectations – I HAD to have A’s in all my courses.  I HAD to keep a part-time job because the student loans were growing.  I HAD to find the perfect girlfriend, I HAD to be in with the cool crowd and go to the best parties….and many more self-imposed HAD TO’s.   And, I was a pro at beating myself up when I felt I had missed the mark.  I struggled a lot with myself and who I was in those days.  My indulgent student-lifestyle didn’t help either.

So, when I started not feeling very well, I told myself it was nothing and that I didn’t have time to dwell on it – it would probably pass.  Batman never got sick and if he did, he would probably ignore it anyway.  Soon, I hadn’t been feeling well for 3 months.  I’d have the flu for a week, then a cold the next.  I was always coughing.  I caved and went to the walk-in clinic.  The doctor told me that it was flu season and everyone was stressed with mid-terms approaching - get lots of sleep, drink lots of fluids.  Genius! I said to myself, as I’d already been doing those things.  A week later, I went to another clinic and was given the same advice.  So now I was annoyed at being sick for 3 months and decided to see my family doctor at the Christmas break, when I would go back to my parents’.

I saw Dr. M. on Dec 19th.  Being an excellent G.P., he did a full physical.  He’d noticed I’d lost weight and ran additional tests: blood, urine and a chest x-ray for my chronic coughing.  My mom and I were back in his office for the results in 2 weeks.  In fact, my mom was driving me back to school after the appointment.  Or so I thought.  Dr. M. told us he’d found something serious on the chest x-ray.  There was a large mass in the center of my chest, just above my heart.  The mass measured 12cm x 10cm x 8cm – it was huge!  More tests were requested.  He told me flatly that I wasn’t going back to school.  Wham! I accepted the news calmly but it stung…maybe somehow I knew something serious was going on with my health…maybe I was just in shock.

In the aftermath, I was furious.  I had 1 semester left until freedom!  I wouldn’t let anything stop me from finishing this frickin’ degree!  And move back in my parents?! Never!  I was miserable enough at school, moving back home would surely kill me!  And how many tests did I have to do anyway?  If this was soo urgent, why was I sitting around at home waiting?  I pushed everyone away – I didn’t want to talk about it.  I left the world for my Fortress of Solitude.

Preparing for a hero’s battle

Two months, two biopsies, a bone-marrow excision and a few fights with my folks had come and passed until they said it was cancer.  I was hard to diagnose, so I was told it was 98% likely to be Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Making matters worse, I found out that my liver had swollen to twice its normal size and that my spleen was also very enlarged.  I was tagged at stage 3b.  What had happened to my invincibility?  Were my super-powers failing me?

Chemo started in March soon after the official diagnosis, to my relief.  It was so frustrating sitting around waiting for test results, digging up info on the web.  With chemo, I felt like things were moving.  Then, right after my first chemo treatment, things took a turn for the worst.  The chemo knocked me down flat! My white blood cell count dropped to near 0, I developed a killer fever and my wisdom teeth became so infected I couldn’t chew any food.  For the first time, I was a bit scared.  After some injections of a drug called neupogen, I pulled through and recovered.  But chemo was delayed again a few weeks to allow my counts to increase.

I’m fighting for my life, but where are my superfriends?

Soon, a chemo routine started to develop - chemo every 2 weeks, a few days in bed to regain my strength right after, neupogen injections every day.  I couldn’t bear sitting around the house all day, so I started working for a family friend a few days every week.  The work greatly improved my sanity and I felt like a member of society again for a while.  

Most of my friends were distant.  They were still away at their respective universities wrapping up their degrees and we didn’t see each other too often.  It sucked being alone, but what could I do?  I would whisk myself away one weekend a month to see my girlfriend back in Waterloo.  We talked every night on the phone and her company was irreplaceable.  She was the only person I could confide in about what I was going through.

I learn about wisdom and discover new powers – nothing can stop me now!

One day, a family friend asked if I would attend a meditation group with her.  I knew nothing about meditation, but it sounded like it might help me get better, so I agreed.  A small group met weekly at a local church and Don, the group’s leader, had been meditating for over 25 years.  He had learned meditation in his 20’s and used it to promptly heal some serious health issues.  He taught us about the magic of silence, ancient breathing techniques to quiet the mind, how to use mantras to go deeper in meditation, and ayurvedic nutrition.  We meditated every week as a group.  We all started meditating for 5 minutes at time, but within a few weeks, we lasted up to 20 minutes.  We watched videos and listened to books on tape, always discussing the teachings and learning to integrate them into our lives.  I soon became enraptured with my weekly meditation classes – always leaving them feeling so peaceful and hopeful.  I started meditating daily, and reading everything I could find on healing.  There started to be a glimmer of pure joy in my life – my Wednesday night meditation class.  I don’t think I’d ever felt this kind of joy in any undertaking at that point in my life.

I was raised a Catholic, but never had a strong faith or practice.  I started to see that I wasn’t just learning about relaxation techniques or healing strategies – there was an underlying element I was totally unfamiliar with….spirituality.  I started to uncover a whole new part of me that I’d never encountered before.  

It was around the same time that I started to take control of my healing, putting myself in the driver’s seat.  Up until then, I followed all of the doctor’s rules.  But now, I started to trust my intuition about what was best for me and that meant breaking some rules.  I changed my diet, leaning toward vegetarian dishes, cutting out sugars and drinking only distilled water.  I started taking supplements and felt a tremendous improvement in my energy as a result.  I tried out ESSIAC, an herbal tea with known cancer-reversing qualities.  In meditation, I began to integrate powerful visualizations - I visualized bright-white blood cells swarming the tumour in my chest and dissolving it.  I saw it shrinking and shriveling, vanishing to nothingness.  I felt very hopeful I would get better and I felt like I was taking charge of my healing.

Our hero suffers a major blow and his ego takes the brunt of the fall

In August, after my last chemo treatment, I invited my whole family, (mom, dad, brother, sister, girlfriend and future sister-in-law) to my last oncology appointment.  I was high as a kite – chemo was done and I was going back to school in a week to finish my degree!  When the doctor came in, he asked if I wanted everyone to stay while he shared the latest scan results.  I said sure!  Ok, he said.  “The last cycle of chemo did not shrink the tumour as much as we had expected.  You’ll need 2 more cycles.”  I was totally speechless.  I was so embarrassed.  Here I’d invited everyone to a celebration, instead I felt like I got punched in the face….2 more rounds of chemo! I became depressed and angry for a full week.  Once again, I wasn’t going back to school.

The last 2 cycles of chemo passed quickly.  I wrapped up chemo in October and then opted for 4 weeks of radiation to begin in December.  I would finish all treatments before Christmas – a full year after my diagnosis.  Yay! My hair had started growing back and I was feeling stronger every day.  With excitement to regain my life, I returned to school in January of the new millennium and finally graduated in April 2000.  Regular checkups every 3 months showed that there was still a good-sized mass in my chest, but it was cancer-free.  Doctors said it would likely be there the rest of my life, but it shouldn’t cause problems.

After a long night of crime-fighting, it’s back to the batcave for margaritas!  And I reveal my True Identity.

My cancer battle was done.  I was healed but in truth the deeper healing would continue for years.  A transformation had occurred over those 12 months – I became a new person, my cocoon was opening.  Some things I had struggled with before – like being popular, perfect grades, loads of self-pressure – they seemed insignificant now and easy to handle.  I cleaned up my act.  I did a major purging of negativity in my life.  So-called “friends” I had struggled to stay popular with – I let them go.  I had just gone through hell, I refused to let people beat me down any more.  I spent more time with people I care about and who cared about me.  I continued to work hard at my studies, but I also relaxed.  My priorities had shifted majorly and it seemed silly to get all worked up about a mid-term grade like I used to.  I didn’t want to bring cancer back with too much stress.

I meditated everyday and still do today.  In the silence, I felt so peaceful and at home.  I carried that feeling around with me after meditating and it made every day so much easier to handle.  I changed my diet and explored ayurveda and cleansing.  I was much more self-aware, able to observe my negative patterns and beliefs clearly and gently work on them.  I let go of my self-centeredness and started to reach out to help people when I could – in random acts of generousity and compassion.  It filled me up to help others and to brighten someone’s day.  I enjoyed being me.  Those days were the rumblings that surged into a tidalwave of lightness and love that fuel who I am today.  I am very grateful for all that I’ve been through.  Having cancer was a most unexpected gift.

Becoming something more - removing fear from cancer…my dream.

Batman Begins is one of my favourite movies.  In the opening scenes, young Bruce Wayne witnesses the violent death of his parents eventually leading him to venture forth on a quest to find himself.  Though ridiculously rich, he travels the world as beggar, searching in each experience for his True Path.  Enduring brutal training to become a master warrior, he must face his own demons.  Surviving a near-death experience, he soon realizes his own power and his Path.  He returns to Gotham City and becomes the Batman.  It is not a mask to hide behind; it is a platform from which he can become a force for Good much bigger than Bruce Wayne alone could ever be.   

My own journey has been similar.  I have faced many of my demons, and have survived a life-threatening illness.  Today, at 32, I have been cancer free for eight years!  The mass in my chest I thought would be there for life has vanished.  I am stronger and healthier that I have even been in my entire life.

When I turned 30, I decided it was time to get clear about why I was on the planet and why I had to endure cancer.  In that year, I decided to use my experience to help others who were facing cancer.  But my work is only beginning.  I am committed to eradicating the fear in cancer and teaching others to be more in spite of their cancer.  For if we can step pass fear, something tremendous will happen; we will emerge as heroes.  As E.H. Chapin once wrote, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Namaste,

Michael