"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest
of human blessings, and learn how by his own
thought to derive benefit from his illnesses."
—Hippocrates
Did I Cause My Cancer?
Submitted by Michael on Tue, 09/01/2009 - 14:24
It's been many weeks since I blogged. I've enjoyed taking a break and had a great summer. But September has always felt like a time for new beginnings. So here goes.
Q: Did I cause my cancer? Did I somehow do this to myself?
I'll admit, I have asked myself that question many times since my cancer diagnosis. I'm not the only one.
What I've noticed is that survivors have 2 opposite views when weighing this dilemma of fate.
The first view reads like this - "Toxins are everywhere, I didn't put them there - I was exposed to them, now I have cancer. Why would I ever wish this on anybody, including myself?" Many folks get really upset when faced with the possibility that their actions, or their way of being in life resulted in cancer.
Then there's the other camp who sound like this: "I never wanted cancer, but I think that I must have played a part in the fact that it has shown up in my life."
What I find interesting is that many people find solace in the belief that "they played a part" in their cancer drama. While some remain vehemently opposed and feel that cancer was "done to them", others actually feel empowered by acknowledging and taking responsibility for their cancer-disaster.
YOU mean you DID do it to yourself???!
Not exactly. There's a subtle shift of perspective. We don’t want to get stuck in the blame-game, beating ourselves up, mentally repeating "I'm such an idiot, how could I have done this to myself!" But instead, taking responsibility for the disaster means survivors can also take responsibility for the cleanup.
It's like moving from "Why me?" to "What now?". And Now is where the healing happens.
Have you ever asked yourself "Did I cause my cancer?". What answers did you come up with? What beliefs around cancer make you feel hopeful and empowered?
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10 comments for "Did I Cause My Cancer?".
1. I've never asked this
I've never asked this question. If we knew specifically what caused our cancer, why would be doing bike-a-thons to fund scientists who are looking through their microscopes trying to understand the biological mechanisms that spur cancer growth?
Maybe some day science will discover hard data showing that actions of mine cause my cancer, and hopefully that will bring great advances in prevention. But until then, it seems like archaic dark ages thinking to me that our emotions or actions cause negative, dark diseases to descend on our bodies.
I grew up in Pittsburgh hanging out on slag heaps with my friends in high school. Did that cause my cancer? Who knows? None of the rest of my friends from high school have cancer. And even if it did cause my cancer, so what? I cannot go back and change it. I didn't know at the time that what I was doing could have caused cancer so I cannot even regret my actions.
I get that for others this might be a productive mental conversation, but for me personally, I only see it leading to weird, complicated mental dramas that have little productive healing value in the story of my medical history.
Great questions!
Best,
Kairol
blog http://everythingchangesbook.com/
2. Kairol, Thanks for your
Kairol,
Thanks for your comments and perspective.
I also look forward to the day that science can link up actions and reactions, cut and dried - do this and cancer will result, do this and you're safe.
I spent summers in high-school painting at a local arena. I would come home everyday reeking of varsol and paint fumes, covered in both. My mother is sure this was a factor in cancer showing up in my life. It seems like maybe you have pondered this question, even a little, looking at your past environments and the slag fields.
I was diagnosed with Hodgkins in University at a time when I led a less than healthy lifestyle on many fronts and took risks that I wouldn't dream of today. My friends were all there with me doing them too, but like you, none of them got cancer either. But they weren't Me. I DID get cancer, and I'm not surprised given what I was up to.
So cancer gave me a choice to take responsibility for my lifestyle and my health, and I took it.
See there's no complicated mental drama - I'm not blaming myself and getting stuck there. I know I can't go back and undo it and I don't want to. So what. But I can fix it, fix my lifestyle and change my ways. In the end, I think this process helped me to move to acceptance of my cancer easily, which is a difficult process for many.
In your book, it seems to me Geoff goes through a bit of the same process. (I don't have your book handy right now...doh) If I'm not mistaken, Geoff admits that he's not surprised he got cancer either. But because he changes his lifestyle, he gains the confidence that if the cancer comes back, he knows he can handle it. I can relate to Geoff's story and see parallels there.
Thanks again,
Michael
3. I don't believe I caused my
I don't believe I caused my cancer in my case. I admit that living an unhealthy lifestyle increases your likelihood of getting cancer though. Problem is I see that many people may admit they played a part in an attempt to gain control. Admitting they played a part is, in an of it's self, stating that you can control if it comes back, if only you control the part that you played in the first place.
Unfortunately this is just not true. Many people go on to live extremely healthy lives only to be cut down anyway by cancer.
Until we find the answer we can't afford to fool our selves about the issue. Admit that in the end you have no CONTROL over the cancer; but also admit that living a healthy lifestyle can INFLUENCE the cancer.
Dave
4. Dave, Thanks for your
Dave,
Thanks for your comments as well.
I want to ask - what is wrong with trying to gain control in a situation that is painful, overwhelming and may lead to your demise? Doesn't it make sense to try to find a firm footing to stand on?
For me, admitting that we have no control feels completely hopeless and helpless. We have more control over cancer and our health than we think, and we certainly don't have NO control.
If you chose to get chemo or radiation, you made a decision that will change the outcome of your cancer - that is control. If you got out of bed in the morning and made it to your doctor's appointment instead of sleeping the day away, that is control. If you live a healthy lifestyle, you made something happen and that means you took control.
I don't see how admitting that I have no control over cancer is going to help me from beating a killer disease at all, whether its true or not.
Thanks again,
Michael
5. Switching a light switch
Switching a light switch on/off is control. We can't control cancer like that. We can influence it just like we can influence our body temperature in winter by wearing a coat.
If we say "I can prevent cancer from coming back by eating healthy and exercising" is dangerous because it leaves a person devastated and destroyed if it does come back. They are now hopeless and see things as spiraling OUT OF control.
Saying "I can influence the chances of cancer coming back by eating healthy and exercising" is slightly different. It acknowledges that we have some say so in the matter but WE are not the almighty end-all of the situation. We can influence the situation just like we can influence a bullet with body armor. It may not kill us but it sure can cause serious damage. We can choose not to wear the armor or to wear it, so in that regard we do have control but where the rubber meets the road the control we have over these types of things just influences the situation and outcome not control it.
6. David, Thanks again for
David,
Thanks again for contributing your thoughts and opinions to the discussion.
I think I addressed some of your recent comments in my reply to Kairol. But I would like to add a bit more to your comment on being devasted if cancer comes back because someone felt they were taking actions to prevent or "control" their health. As I mentioned in my reply to Kairol, since I've been done treatments, I've had a ritual of saying to myself "I will never have cancer again!" These words sum up the life I wish to create for myself. Yes, it may blow up in my face and I have no certainty that cancer will never come back. But it's a risk I'm willing to take.
Thanks again for your input David.
7. Michael, Exciting post you've
Michael,
Exciting post you've written here...
If you have some idea of how I could "fix my lifestyles and change my ways" that would have any impact on my tumor growth... lemme know. I certainly have not found any. As a woman who was vegetarian for 14 years, vegan for 7, did fasts and cleanses, yoga, and meditation, ate little sugar, had love and joy in my life all while 30 tumors were growing in my body - I cannot say as I can see how there is anything that is within my power to do that could change my cancer situation.
This doesn't mean that I go out drinking, eat doritos, smoke, or do other hazardous actions in spite of my cancer. No, I still lead an incredibly healthy, happy life. But I do realize that I have absolutely no control over my cancer. Believe me, after nine years of living with this disease, if there were something that were in my control to do, I woudda done it. If something comes along - I will do it.
Admitting to myself that I have no control over my cancer certainly is helpless. And that is okay. I'm not going to die from feeling helplessness; sometimes there are situations in the world that are helpless. That's reality.
As for hope - I don't care so much one way or the other about hope and my cancer. I want to be better, wish I were better, but I don't think that hope and outcomes have any correlation at all. Lack of hope does not mean I'm a depressed person, or in doom and gloom. Not at all. It just means I'm neutral, and I have to wait and see what happens. Is this hard? Yes. Cancer might kill me and it might not. Story at 11.
I do think that the idea that we can control our cancer can have harmful consequences. I have spoken with many terminal patients who have felt like outcasts in the cancer community because there is the notion that if you try hard enough, pray hard enough, become a good enough person, or engage in the right kind of lifestyle then you can control your cancer. This is sending a pretty painful message to some folks who are at the end of life when they would rather just be in the middle of it.
I personally never had a hard time accepting my cancer. Ever. To me it was not a challenge: shit happens. Plain and simple. Sure, we can think that my slag heaps or your paint caused our cancer, but our thoughts about that have very little to do with the actuality of what caused our cancer. For this we need to invest in research that can ultimately lead to targeted preventions and a great understanding of how my body and your body operate such that we got cancer while others around us did not.
I am curious to know - do you feel like you are doing things in your life and lifestyle right now to fix your cancer situation? Have you ever had a recurrence (sorry - I cannot remember your history...) And if you do have a recurrence, does that mean that what you are doing right now is the wrong thing? If so, why are you leading the lifestyle you are leading today? Shouldn't you change it... cause after all, you never know if it will give you cancer tomorrow?
Again, great conversation. Thanks Michael for the thought provoking topic!
8. Kairol, Thanks again for
Kairol,
Thanks again for continuing this engaging conversation.
To answer some of your questions...
I have not had a reoccurrence since my first diagnosis. In the 2-3 years after treatments I did make some major lifestyle changes that, at the time were motivated by cancer, and preventing a reoccurrence. But as I have continued to make better lifestyle choices, less and less are they motivated by cancer..... now the notion that I simply feel better and enjoy my life more when I live a healthier lifestyle and work at being a better person. Now that I'm a Dad, that aspect of my life becomes a motivating factor as well.
What if I had a reoccurrence? Well, that's something I've thought about as well, but I spend almost no time on it. In fact, I say to myself, "I'll never have cancer ever again!"....that might sound dangerous to some, in case it blows up in my face. The fact is, I say it because that is the reality I want to create in my life.
Even though making lifestyle changes feels like I'm growing the gap between me and cancer, if cancer shows up again, I'm not going to say to myself "I failed" or be devastated because took control of my life and cancer came back. As you said, Shit Happens, I'll deal with it. I deal with it better than before because I've got experience with it now.
When I wrote this post, I was pretty sure there were at least 2 camps of thought on this. Everyone is different....you're living with cancer day-to-day....I'll be a 10 year survivor in December. Someone who is terminal shouldn't be encouraged to tell themselves "I'll never get cancer again!"
We need to take the path that feels right for us and respect and support what is right for our brothers and sisters wherever they are in their cancer journey.
Thanks again Kairol,
Michael
9. Hi Michael! What a great
Hi Michael!
What a great discussion! I did think I caused my cancer for awhile. I was diagnosed with Hodgkins in September 2008.
In the summer of 2006 I was putting an ointment on a wound on a horse and for some reason decided to read the label. I had used the ointment hundreds of times before. This isn't the exact wording, but the label said: "use gloves when applying, this product contains carcinogens." I looked at the guy that was helping me and in a very flip tone said, "well Ed, I guess I'm going to get cancer."
When I got diagnosed, I definitely blamed myself. Having had more time to reflect, I no longer believe that using furazone on my horses caused my cancer. I had already found the first tumor before that day. Instead, I now have a view that "life causes cancer," kind of like Kairol's "Shit happens" perspective. I have made changes to my life, not because I think I can control whether or not I relapse but because I want to get the most out of every day and I have found that living a healthier lifestyle (although I do still eat doritos occasionally) makes me happier.
And maybe I am superstitious, but I threw out the furazone anyway and bought some fura-free ointments to use on my horse.
Thanks!
Stacey Stearns
10. Stacy, bravo! Making changes
Stacy, bravo!
Making changes after cancer not to "control" health but to maximize everyday...it seems to me we might think we're making changes for cancer, but in the end IT IS to get the most out of life. Thank you for your comments and wisdom!
M
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